1989

Right at this moment, I have listened to 1989 songs since the 10th of October. That is the year in which I was born. Just thought I'd share with that world as sometimes numbers can signify creepy things, and this feels like one of those times. For a host of reasons. I need someone with a keen sense of smell to get a whiff of my hair. I'm intrigued to know if it smells good, like summer, flowers & happiness. That's what I was aiming for when standing in the self grooming isle at the supermarket for a good 20mins trying to pick out the best smelling shampoo and conditioner with a long lasting fragrance.

I am sticking true to my statement about ambushing Jarrason & Ash's holiday. I have seen them every day that they have been in the land of Victoria. And I would very much like them to stay, however I am well aware that the weather isn't half as nice down here, so I wont hold it against them for declining. I feel Neopolitan Dreams by Lisa Mitchell is very much a Chloe song. Its upbeat, sweet & has a touch of innocence to it. Its very much my style of music.

I feel very strange at this point in time. I am letting go of something I want, but don't want.
I want to fight for it, I want it to be fought for. I want to know it mattered. It was special. Worthwhile. Unique. But in another sense it would just make it harder. But you can't have everything. So I'll take nothing. Pretend it was nothing. Meant nothing. That I'm nothing. In hope I can force myself to move on, I know it will work. Because if you feel like everyone else in their life is more valued, important, unique, beautiful, adored than you its not worth the pain. Self cruelty in this time is surprisingly helpful. Not that I think I am a bad person because I know I'm not. I am actually very content with the person I am. It would take some time to explain what I mean by "self cruelty" and I am going home now so I wont start. Plus I understand how it works & what I'm doing so its all SWWWEEEEEEEEEETTT!

ADIOS AMIGO'S.
Over and out from the Finance department for today.